


The Odd Couple

by emmykay



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Sharing a Body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 13:53:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmykay/pseuds/emmykay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iruka and Kakashi are forced to share a body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Odd Couple

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Странная парочка](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7484274) by [ale4el](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ale4el/pseuds/ale4el)



> It's all Anenko's fault. She said there was no bodysharing fic in KakaIru fandom. And of course, I'm a very dumb moth to a flame.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Disclaimer: Naruto and all affiliated characters belong to Kishimoto Masashi. This story is written without permission and for personal/fan/nonprofit entertainment purposes only.
> 
> The lovely and talented and very patient Ale4el translated this into Russian! Thank you so much! Go find it here: https://ficbook.net/readfic/4352018

"What did you do?!"

"I don't know!" Kakashi shook his head, furiously. Tsunade kept yelling at him, but the weird thing was that he was also hearing himself shout. At himself. What?

"Everyone calm down!"

They were in the mission room, Kakashi standing in front of the mission desk, scroll still in his hand. Iruka's body lay slumped over the desk, where it had landed immediately after receiving Kakashi's mission report. The room was in chaos. Could there be an enemy bold enough to take the form of Kakashi "Sharingan" Hatake?

Cooler heads prevailed.

"Everyone, shut up!" shouted Tsunade.

Reason slowly trickled back. Here, in Hokage Tower, the heart of Konoha, there were enough detectors to filter out almost any imposter. Then there were the Hyuugas and the Inuzukas. No one got through them. Anyway, to what end would this imposter go to the mission room and file a report? To bring down a chuunin-sensei, however beloved?

A Hyuuga confirmed that Kakashi was indeed Kakashi, but noted the odd chakra pattern around Iruka's torso. Tsunade grabbed Iruka's limp body and yanked open his shirt. The cause was immediately clear. An enormous black seal had bloomed across Iruka's right arm, shoulder, and half his chest. He was still breathing, but completely limp.

"You!" Tsunade raised an imperious finger. "Talk me through what just happened."

"I was - "

"Kakashi was - "

"-handing over -"

"-turning in -"

"- my mission report-"

"-his latest -"

"- to Iruka - "

"- to me -"

Tsunade held up her hands. "Hold on a second. Kakashi?"

"Yes?"

"I know this is a long-shot, but," she sighed and closed her eyes, as if afraid of the answer she knew she was about to receive. "Iruka?"

"Yes, ma'am?" Kakashi's mouth said. And then it gasped. Kakashi stared down at his body as he it had never seen it before. "You asshole! What have you done this time?!"

Tsunade slapped a hand over her eyes. "Some days," she sighed. She pulled herself together. "Kakashi, and Kakashi only - you tell me specifically what happened."

"I was handing the scroll to Iruka, and he just fell over."

"I heard that part. What different thing happened?"

"I don't know," Kakashi said.

"Iruka, and Iruka only - your turn."

"He handed me the scroll," Kakashi's visible eyebrow furrowed in an Iruka-like expression of thoughtfulness. "And I felt just a little sick. And now I'm in his body."

"What happened on this past mission, Kakashi?"

"Enemy operatives, exchanges of the violent sort, some chakra-enhanced battles, and escaping in the nick of time, with the mission successfully completed." Kakashi shrugged indolently. "The usual."

"Gods, you are full of yourself," Kakashi's mouth muttered.

"I said, 'What happened on this past mission, _Kakashi?_ '" Tsunade reprimanded.

"Yes, ma'am," was mumbled with utterly false contrition.

"Anything unusual?" asked Tsunade, ignoring a mouthy ninja with the ease of long practice.

"What is unusual for a ninja?" Kakashi asked rhetorically. "There were a couple of close calls, but nothing I was worried about. It was good Team Seven wasn't there."

"Tell me about the close calls."

"This one Mist-nin, he seemed like he was about to cast some new ninjutsu, but it never reached me," Kakashi replied. "I killed him before he could finish."

"Iruka here," Kakashi's mouth said, "I was thinking what was different about this was that I think Kakashi touched me. I felt just a little prick - like a papercut just on my fingertip when he was handing over the scroll."

Tsunade lifted Iruka's hand to inspect the fully developed seal all along his skin. She frowned. "Have you touched anyone else since you got back, Kakashi?" 

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "I _always_ make sure to come to the mission desk first to hand in my report."

Kakashi's whole face contorted in a snort of disbelief. "Yeah, that's why they're always so late."

Tsunade looked warningly at Kakashi. "Sorry," Iruka muttered.

"How are you doing, Iruka?" Tsunade asked, with a long-suffering look.

"Okay, I guess."

"You don't have any trouble in Kakashi's body? We know you can talk. Can you move?"

Kakashi's head tilted back and forth and his arms moved experimentally. "Yes." He lifted one foot and then another. "I think I have a little more movement and ability on the right side."

"This seems to be some new sealing technique, I don't know how far it can go, so Kakashi, until further notice, you need to quarantine yourself. Keep your hands to yourself."

"But the new edition of _Icha Icha_ came out last week while I was away - !"

"If you don't like that, the hospital has some excellent isolation chambers."

"What about me?" Iruka asked. "You're just leaving me here? In _him?"_

"I'm terribly sorry," Tsunade said, looking genuinely apologetic. "You're stuck inside Kakashi's body. The two of you will have to share. At least until we can figure this out."

"It's not like the worst thing that could have happened," said Kakashi, stung at the implied condolence in everyone's tone. "You could be dead."

"You always so bright and cheerful, Hatake?" snarked Iruka. "You're not the one trapped in somebody else's body."

"No - I'm the one forced into sharing my body - "

"Boys!" snapped Tsunade. Kakashi turned to her. "Use the Sharingan on the seal. Memorize the pattern. Maybe you can figure something out while you're in quarantine."

"Ow!" said Iruka. "Sharingan use _hurts._ " Trying to reconcile the images he was used to seeing (albeit out of a somebody else's eye), with the largely grey, black and white image out of the Sharingan eye, and then the overlap between the two combined with the throbbing pain of using the Sharingan was almost too much for Iruka to concentrate on. There were flickers of varying intensity of light in different colors throughout the grayscale - chakra or chakra-imbued items, Iruka guessed. As he adjusted to the vastly different impressions he could now see, Iruka saw a thick red rope extending between his physical hand and Kakashi's that he couldn't see out of the right eye.

"Look at that," Kakashi said, softly.

Attention diverted, Iruka saw what Kakashi noticed. Black tendrils were creeping further across Iruka's chest and beginning to crawl up his neck.

* * *

Kakashi/Iruka walked outside. It was funny how natural this felt, Iruka reflected. There was no difficulty in figuring out how to walk or talk. He had no physical difficulty with being inside Kakashi (not that he'd ever thought this would be a position he'd find himself in). In fact, it was almost weirdly natural - sort of like wearing a second-hand uniform; it fit pretty well, except the odd places where it didn't. Apart from the one-eyed perspective, he could almost have been back in his own body. Then he'd catch sight of himself in some reflective surface and be shocked back into his new reality.

He didn't even know Kakashi very well - their only acquaintance had been over the mission desk and the chuunin exams. And now, of course, he was about to engage in some of the most personal interactions two people - two consciousnesses - could have.

Kakashi reached behind himself into his weapons pouch and pulled out a book. As his eye focused on the words, he began to flip to a favorite passage, his one-handed maneuver speaking of immense practice.

"What are you doing?" Iruka hissed.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Kakashi retorted snidely.

"It looks like you're reading adult literature."

"Duh."

In response, Kakashi's free hand reached over and snatched the book away.

"What the - !"

"No reading this stuff in front of children!"

"Come on!" Kakashi's left hand flailed for the book.

"No!"

"Damnit - !" In frustration, Kakashi reached over and grabbed the right hand's wrist. Then he shook the offending hand like a crazed poodle would a chew toy.

"Ow!" Iruka said.

"Ow!" Kakashi said.

"You just stop it!" Iruka twisted the arm away.

"You stop it!"

"What are you, twelve?" snapped Iruka.

In response, Kakashi pinched himself on the soft skin under his right upper arm. Then he twisted.

"Ow! You're not twelve. You're five!"

It degenerated into a slapfest, with Kakashi whacking himself across the face and hands multiple times, yelling all the while. The book dropped to the street, unnoticed.

* * *

Civilians who noticed the fracas just made sure to steer clear. Crazy ninja.

* * *

"Stop it! Stop it!" Iruka yelled.

"You stop it!"

"We're just hurting each other," Iruka tried to reason.

"We're just hurting _me,_ " Kakashi corrected.

"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here," snapped Iruka.

"Like I don't go out and risk my damn life every damn day outside of these walls," replied Kakashi heatedly. "Taking crazy shit from all directions all the frickin' time. I didn't go out asking for that Mist-nin's whacked-out jutsu - like anybody wants this."

Kakashi's body was tired, that much Iruka could feel. The Sharingan was an ever-present mild ache in the background. Iruka's sense of empathy and justice won out over his propriety. Nobody should have to deal with this and near chakra depletion. 

"Fair enough," Iruka conceded. "Sorry."

"Fine," Kakashi said. He stooped and picked up his book. He deliberately stashed it back into his weapons pouch.

Iruka figured that was as close to an apology he was going to get.

They walked a few more blocks and then stopped. Kakashi lifted a foot to go in one direction, but halted as that foot was brought back down to the same spot it started from. The other foot lifted, and then came right back down.

Kakashi sighed. "My place is down this street and to the left. Where do you live?"

Iruka pointed off to the right.

"Have you got food?"

Iruka nodded. "Yes."

"Beer?"

"Yes."

"Cable?"

"Yup. Even got the super pack of premium ninja channels."

"Your place it is."

"Fine," Iruka said. "And the first thing we're going to do," he said, sniffing the air around Kakashi, "is take a shower. You stink."

Iruka could feel Kakashi's smirk. "Correction, sensei. _We_ stink."

* * *

Iruka looked around his one-bedroom apartment, wondering what it looked like to Kakashi. Messy? Lived-in? Small? Strewn with laundry and books?

Kakashi said only, "Bathroom?" He allowed Iruka to lead them to the strictly functional space.

Showering was more complicated than Iruka had expected. He had forgotten that he was going to need _to look_ to wash Kakashi's body. He decided he was going to be as neutral as possible and act like being inside the body of a near stranger and washing it was just like washing himself. Completely uninteresting. Something that happened all the time. A chore. A dreary, dreary, awful, dreadfully boring chore over a pale, sleek form that had the bone structure and musculature of a dream.

It helped that the water hit several sore spots and a stung some open wounds, so Iruka's conflicting tendencies of modesty and curiosity were distracted.

The body was exhausted. They dropped into bed and fell asleep quickly.

* * *

Iruka startled awake to the ringing of the doorbell. "Kakashi?" he whispered.

There was no answer. He felt exceptionally light-headed. Was Kakashi still asleep? Would he feel like this was sleepwalking?

The doorbell called again, impatient. Iruka almost fell out of bed as he struggled out of sleep and drowsiness; it could be Tsunade summoning them with the answer to their problems. 

Remembering how badly it hurt to open the Sharingan, Iruka grabbed the hitai-ate by the side of the bed and tied it on the way to the door. "Who is it?"

"It's me, Kotetsu." 

Iruka was about to open the door when he remembered. Crap. He was in Kakashi's body. He wrapped a towel around his lower face and opened the door. "What do you want?"

"Godaime wanted to have some food delivered to you guys so you don't have any contact with people." Kotetsu nudged the bag into the doorway. He looked hard at Iruka's face. "Which one are you?"

"It's Iruka."

"Damn," Kotetsu commented. He noted the towel. "Is Kakashi in there too?"

"I think he's still asleep."

Kotetsu raised his voice. "Hey, Kakashi!"

"I told you he's asleep, not deaf."

"How can you tell?"

"I can feel him sleeping, I think."

Kotetsu leaned in, eyes intent. "You can feel him?"

"What? You want to come in here too?" Iruka gestured toward Kakashi's temple.

"No!" Kotetsu stepped back quickly.

"Good, I don't think there's enough room," Iruka said.

"The two of you - brings a whole new angle to being touched by a ninja." Kotetsu shook his head. Then, conspiratorially, he asked, "Have you seen his face?"

"What?"

Defensively, Kotetsu said, "I know you thought he was hot -"

"For like a second!" Iruka interjected, feeling his face heat up. "When I was a genin!"

"Yeah, I just thought -"

"And that doesn't account for personality!"

"Still, aren't you interested?"

"It's none of my business," Iruka said, resolutely.

"Not your business? You're inside his body! How can that not be your business?"

Iruka shrugged uncomfortably. "If he had terrible hemorrhoids, then yeah, I'd want that taken care of because I'd be able to feel that, but his face? It's not like I look at my own face very much."

And just like that, Iruka felt the body changing - a difference in stance and posture, a muscular resistance to his presence. Kakashi was awake and making himself known.

Kotetsu must have noticed something, as he backed up a wary step. "Well, I'll see you later." Over his shoulder he tossed, "I think you're supposed to have a session with Inoichi Yamanaka soon. Tsunade'll send a message."

Once the door was safely closed behind Kotetsu, Iruka asked, "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough," Kakashi grunted.

"Well, Tsunade had some food delivered." Iruka gestured.

Kakashi grabbed the bag and brought it inside. He found a pair of disposable chopsticks inside, snapped them apart and began to eat straight from the container. 

"Don't you want to get a bowl?" Iruka asked.

"Why? It's just me," Kakashi paused, "you, no, me," another pause, "us." He shoveled a wad of ramen into his mouth. Just as Iruka was about to retort, he felt the thick, sticky slap of a noodle across the end of his nose. 

"I don't have hemorrhoids," Kakashi said, mouth full, apropos of nothing.

"I know," Iruka said. "Aren't we both glad about that?"

Kakashi snorted in a way that might have been a laugh.

Shortly after they finished eating, the doorbell rang.

It was some teachers from Iruka's school. They knew well enough not to approach too closely, but they left a sheaf of get-well cards from the students.

"You're really popular," Kakashi noted, watching them go. 

As Kakashi/Iruka was about to return to the apartment, they caught the eye of an elderly neighbor sweeping her front door welcome mat. She pinned them down with a pair of pale, venomous eyes.

"Are you Iruka's new boyfriend?" her soft voice quavered.

Iruka's innards shriveled with embarrassment. He hadn't thought about his neighbors' reactions to his new status, and definitely not old Mrs. Doi. Tiny, fragile-looking Mrs. Doi with her bad back, withered right hand, and multiple complaints about the low standards of noisiness of the other residents of the building, which was nothing like it was back in her day.

Kakashi coughed nervously. "Well - not exactly - "

"He's a good boy. It's been a long time since he's seen anyone." She shifted slightly, turning the broom, baring the edge of a finely honed blade pulled from the end of the handle. She eyed Kakashi's nether regions with a glance so sharp, it put the newly revealed blade to shame. "Don't hurt him." Threat delivered, she bared her teeth in a creepy simulacrum of a smile. With an expert flick of the wrist, the blade snicked back into the broom handle. 

Over her shoulder, Mrs. Doi threw a final, deadening statement. "Cable's down for the whole building. Some fool cut down the transmitter. They say it was a training accident." She snorted her dismissal of the weak excuse. "They won't send anybody until next week." She shut the door behind her decisively.

"You got some interesting neighbors," Kakashi commented, a bit shakily.

"Building rumor says she was ANBU, guarding Sarutobi until his death." 

"ANBU, huh?"

"For decades."

They both knew what that meant. She was crazier than a bag of cats, with more than all those lives combined.

"Damn."

"It's actually sort of sweet," Iruka said, flattered. "I think she only does that for people she likes."

"Yeah. I'd think it was great too, if it were your family jewels she was threatening."

"Ah, don't take it personally. I'm in here, too."

Kakashi grunted as he entered the apartment.

"Hey," Iruka said, "If you wanted to go tell somebody about this situation, you should. Your special somebody - or somebodies?"

Kakashi remained silent. 

"Sorry," Iruka said, suddenly afraid he had overstepped. "I didn't mean to get personal. I'm sure Tsunade's already sent them messages."

"No," Kakashi said, his voice distant. "There's nobody."

* * *

Kakashi had fallen asleep after eating. Iruka could feel control of the body slip back toward him. He knew that chakra exhaustion took it out of a person, but he'd never been drained to the point that Kakashi exhibited, and he's never realized just how long Kakashi would be out of commission. He felt like he should take advantage. But what does one do with a body one doesn't own while the owner is asleep? He went over to turn on the television, but got no reception. Mrs. Doi was right. He made a note to call the cable company. 

Iruka thought about cleaning the apartment, but he hated cleaning. That's how the apartment got into its current state. He cast about for something to do when his eye fell on the piles of grading on his dining room table. Iruka was half-way through the second stack when Kakashi woke up. Iruka could feel Kakashi's stare down at the paper Iruka was currently marking.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked.

"Grading."

"What?"

Iruka sat and felt Kakashi read the problem a second time. Then he scoffed. 

"Who wouldn't be able to answer that question?"

"Some ten-year-olds - " Iruka began.

"Ten-year-olds are answering this?" Kakashi snorted. "You've got to be kidding me. I was figuring this stuff out when I was five." He snorted again. "Ten. Can't believe it."

"Believe it," Iruka snapped, irritated. "Not all of us are geniuses who skipped the entire written portion of the academy."

Kakashi rolled his eye. "Please. You don't need written tests or books of exercises. You just need to have the practical experience. That's what makes a good ninja - the instincts built on practical applications. You don't have a battle based on who can use an abacus fastest."

"They need to get some kind of grounding first. I learned a lot about ninjutsu from books, first."

Kakashi grunted in disagreement. "Books are for fun."

"You mean about learning how badly written sex works?"

"Yup."

Iruka sighed. "You might learn all about relationships from books, Kakashi, but some of us read for other reasons."

"Like learning?"

Iruka nodded. "You can't only have practical -"

Kakashi forcibly stood up. "Got to piss."

Iruka would have continued arguing, but realized that they did indeed need to go to the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom, they approached the toilet to empty their bladder. They put a hand on their pants. Iruka tried not to look.

"I need you to focus," said Kakashi irritably. "When you don't, I don't and I don't want to end up splashing all over the toilet."

"Sorry," apologized Iruka. "I just want to give you some privacy."

"What privacy? You feel everything I feel, you see everything I see, you smell everything I smell. It's a little late for privacy."

* * *

Iruka woke up, freezing cold. Kakashi had kicked off the covers sometime during the night. He was sure it was Kakashi. This sort of thing didn't happen when he slept alone. He reached down and pulled them up and over his shoulder and settled back to sleep.

* * *

Izumo showed up the next day with the food, but had no answer as to when Tsunade was going to get to them.

Kakashi growled deep in his throat and Izumo fled. He returned to the apartment, flung himself down on the couch and automatically reached for the television remote. All that appeared was an endless field of electronic snow. Nothing but snow. "Fuck," muttered Kakashi, his foul mood evident.

"Sorry," Iruka said. "I'll call the company now."

Kakashi blew some air out of his nose. "Forget it. I'd rather not listen to some call center telling me they can't fix the cable for another week."

Iruka cleared his throat. "So, uh, why don't we get to work?"

"Doing what?"

"Looking for a reference of the seal."

"There's no point - you learn sealing by doing."

"But there has to be a starting point, Kakashi. That's what the reference books are for."

"The starting point is the seal itself. We should make a copy first."

Iruka wanted to argue, but felt Kakashi did have a point. He got out several large sheets of paper and Kakashi set about drawing out the seal. Iruka was surprised at the difference their consciousnesses made; during note-taking, Kakashi's handwriting was completely different from his own, even coming from the same hand with the same pen.

Without realizing it, Iruka sighed. It was a shame, really. He could see with the Sharingan, courtesy of this body, but the little he had seen made no sense. His curiosity drove him to try to understand the chaotic patterns that briefly revealed themselves.

"I've got some reference books - " Iruka said and tried to get up. The body wasn't fully cooperating. Kakashi was so busy just staring at the transcribed seal, Iruka had to ask, "Will you let me get up and get the books?"

"Oh, right." 

But there was still a resistance, which Iruka ignored. Kakashi probably would have preferred to have another head right now so he could keep staring (uselessly) at the seal. Iruka rummaged through his bookshelves.

"How about this one?" Kakashi asked, picking up a book.

"No." Iruka didn't pause before rejecting it.

"This one?"

"No."

"How about this other one?"

"I said, no!"

"You sure got a lot of books on sealing."

"I'm looking for one particular book. It's special." 

"Riiiight," Kakashi said, clearly humoring him.

Iruka searched his satchel, wondering if he left the book at work. Frustrated, he upended it. Lots of loose paper, an empty juicebox, a hat, a fold-up umbrella, assorted pens and pencils and a violently fuschia paperback dropped out. Before the book could hit the ground, Kakashi had grabbed it. The front cover had an image of a scantily-clad woman draped over the body of an even scantier clad man. Embossed across the top, in worn gold script, was the title, _Passion's Heated Chamber_. 

"Is this yours, Sensei?" Kakashi asked, amused. 

"No," denied Iruka, and then said, "NO!," once he realized how amused Kakashi was. "A student brought it in - when I caught her reading it instead of working on her kanji, she said it was her grandmother's."

Kakashi flipped it over. The blurb on the back read: "Tawdry! Exciting!" - Jiraiya, author of the _Icha Icha_ series. Kakashi commented, "That's some taste that grandmother has."

Iruka groaned in embarrassment. "It's just trash. I'm just going to give it back and I forgot. I'll do it tomorr - oh." The breath whooshed out of his body with the realization that the next day might not be a good day. Recovering, Iruka said, "Later. I'll do it later."

"Before you do, might as well read this, no? It'll take your mind off the situation." Without waiting for an answer, Kakashi opened the book to a well-worn crease.

"Wait, wait. Don't you want to start from the beginning?"

"That's for amateurs. If somebody does you the favor of marking the good parts, it's only right to take advantage."

"But won't you have problems with continuity? With plot development?"

"Plot?" Kakashi laughed. "Nah."

_-her purple orbs looked up with misgiving and great hunger. Her heaving, cornucopia-like bosoms spilled bounteously over the Alençon lace-trim of her black and white striped satin whale-boned corset, pulled tightly over her tiny 18-inch waist -_

"Ah!" Iruka exclaimed. "Gods! This is horrible!" 

"I know!" Kakashi chuckled. "This is wonderful!"

"Who cares what the corset is made of?" wondered Iruka. "And do the orbs mean her eyes? Or her heaving cornucopia-like bosoms? What kind of imagery is that?"

"Does it matter?" asked Kakashi, happily.

_-he was so brutally handsome, his cerulean orbs piercing through her nether clothes -_

"Is the author talking about his eyes here?" Iruka asked.

"Who cares? The image works with whatever body part you're thinking about."

_-his shirt pulled open down to the waist, the lace ruffles wrenched apart by hasty, handsome, powerful hands, his ponytail pulled down-_

"He's got a ponytail?"

"Oh yeah," Kakashi said, knowledgeably. "The hottest pirates do."

"How do you know?"

"Duh," said Kakashi. Iruka could feel his - no, their - eye roll. "Years of reading experience. Besides, the picture on the cover looks pirate-ish."

"How is it pirate-ish?"

Decisively, Kakashi replied, "There's an open treasure chest in the background."

_-his hair, wet by the ocean's damp salty spray spread over his muscular, tanned shoulders -_

"How can he have hair over his tanned shoulders if he's wearing a shirt?" 

"Details, details," tsked Kakashi. "Just read, absorb the ambiance, feel the characters."

"There's uh, definitely a lot of _feeling_ going on here," Iruka said, uncomfortably. 

"Isn't it great?"

They continued to read, Kakashi because he wanted to and refused to let the book go and Iruka because he felt bad about the street brawl earlier this week. Also, he was literally trapped. And he still had no idea where his fuinjutsu reference book went.

* * *

"Dynamic entry!!" A flash of green burst into the apartment. Startled, Iruka watched as Kakashi's body deflected a barrage of punches and kicks with various bits of furniture, crockery and sporting equipment located in the apartment. Being inside this body - this incredibly fast body with unbelievable reflexes was breathtaking. As he just thought about blocking, Kakashi had already done it and was several moves ahead.

"My Eternal Rival!" exclaimed Gai.

"Yo," said Kakashi, unenthused.

"I have heard of your Difficulties." 

"Yeah," Kakashi said. "Thanks. Can you close the door behind you on the way out?"

"Kakashi," chided Iruka, "that isn't polite." 

Gai stopped and looked at Kakashi's body, his eyebrows still while he worked out a thought. "Iruka-sensei?"

"Good afternoon, Gai-sensei," Iruka said.

"I could tell it was you," Gai announced. "You have much better posture than my Eternal Rival. Also, your voice, the timbre is different, like the most Manly of Tones - "

"Gai," Kakashi said, irritated. "Get to the point."

"Merely, I am here to Convey My Greatest Sympathies. Since Tenzou is away, I want you to Know That If There Is Anything I Can Do - " tears started to well in Gai's eyes.

"Thanks, Gai. You can do something." As Gai started to perk up, Kakashi said flatly, "Leave."

Iruka said quickly, "Would you like some tea, Gai?" 

* * *

Gai sipped the tea, appreciation blooming all over his face. "Excellent tea."

"Thank you," Iruka said.

"Kakashi, when we spoke last month, if I had known your passing commentary on Iruka-sensei's Most Excellent Qualities would have resulted in this -"

"I was just talking about how good he is at his job-"

"But you said Something Complimentary About His Manly Assets!"

Iruka could feel Kakashi glaring at Gai so hard, their shared eye bulged.

"Are you all right, Kakashi? You look - a little - blocked up." Gai mulled it over. "I suppose being good at your job is also a Manly Asset, if one were, indeed, a Man." 

"GET OUT!"

Gai stood up. "I'll see you later, Kakashi." He moved to grip Kakashi's arm but stopped himself in time. "And you, Iruka, perhaps I shall see you when you are not so... occupied? Or should I say, Occupying?" Then he laughed and launched himself out of the window.

"Bye, Gai," Iruka called. After a moment of looking out in the direction of Gai's flight, he remarked, "What a nice fellow."

Kakashi made an undefinable noise.

Iruka sighed. "Sorry. I'm just used to people being close to me, I guess. I forget that ninjas in the field - ninjas who don't deal with children everyday - develop much larger radii of personal space."

Kakashi shrugged with a single shoulder. Then he snickered. "Radii." He snickered again. "You have to sound that way, don't you?"

Iruka felt himself get mad, and then paused. He did sound like a stuffed shirt. He laughed. "Maybe I do." 

* * *

Inoichi frowned at the two of them. Tsunade stood in the back of the hospital room, arms crossed over the front of her body.

"It is crowded in there," he said, finally emerging from his trance. "It's almost like a jutsu that's trying to do something like the Mind-Body Switch Technique." He shook his head. "But it feels incomplete. Iruka is still tied to his body, somehow." 

"Maybe that explains how his body is still alive and the red rope you saw running between you and him," Tsunade speculated. "Kakashi, can you look at Iruka's body a little more thoroughly with the Sharingan?"

They lifted the sheet. Iruka saw how the seal had progressed further along his body. 

Kakashi took an impression with the Sharingan, Iruka calling "ow!" Kakashi reported on the status of the red line extending from Iruka's finger over to his own hand.

"Notice that?" Iruka asked.

"What?" Kakashi replied.

"The red line - it's thinner than it was when we first looked at it. Don't you think?"

"Maybe," Kakashi said, thoughtfully. After a moment, he said, "Yes. It's thinner. The previous image is different."

"Maybe it's Iruka's connection to his body," Tsunade speculated. "Kakashi, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," he said. He paused, looking down at himself in surprise. "Really good. Why?"

"Because you came into the mission room yesterday nearly dead from chakra exhaustion and yet you seem so much better so quickly." She frowned. "You never recover this fast."

Kakashi said, "It is strange. I'm tired but not as much as I have been before with that level of chakra exhaustion."

"Maybe it's Iruka's presence?" Inoichi suggested.

"Very funny," Iruka said, meaning, not funny at all.

"How are you feeling, Iruka?" asked Tsunade.

"Shouldn't I feel the same as Kakashi?" Iruka asked.

"Bear with me."

With a sigh, Iruka settled down. After a moment, he said, "Maybe a little tired."

"Were you tired yesterday? How did you feel before the transfer?"

"I felt great. Why are you asking?"

Tsunade made a few notes, and then said, "Just getting a baseline on Iruka's condition. Maybe you two should try some relaxing meditation. If there's a connection between your two bodies, some forms of meditation slow down the metabolism. Besides, meditation is good for chakra replenishment."

"I hate meditation," muttered Iruka. "Boring, sitting there."

"I like meditation," Kakashi said. "Especially since the cable is down."

"I had nothing to do with that!" protested Iruka.

"I just got lured to your place with your false promises."

"Oh, come on!" said Iruka.

Completely ignoring Iruka's outburst, Kakashi asked, "Is there anything else we can do?" 

"We can't do anything drastic to interrupt the flow of chakra. We don't even know what could trigger a change, or if it this will stop on its own. All I can do is monitor this and see if any of our reference books might have an answer." 

As they left, Iruka said, "See, even Tsunade looks things up."

* * *

Once back at the apartment, they started a meditation session. Despite all the time on their hands, and Kakashi's obvious enjoyment of meditation, Iruka didn't want to. Still, he sat down. But he didn't settle down, regardless of his state of mild tiredness. He was twitchy. He wanted to be out and about - finding an answer, figuring this out, so he could get out of this body.

"Kakashi?" Iruka said. He waited. There wasn't a response. "Kakashi?"

And he shrugged a shoulder experimentally. It was all his, this body. Kakashi, under the guise of meditating, had fallen asleep. That bastard.

"Kakashi!"

Snorting, Kakashi muttered, "What? Is there a fire? Did somebody die?"

"You were sleeping!"

"Yeah. So?"

"I thought we were meditating to come up with answer to get me out of this body!"

"Sorry." Kakashi asked, as if humoring Iruka, "What do you do when you meditate?"

"I do breathing exercises, I visualize my practices, I think about the oneness of the universe."

"Yeah, but what do you really do?"

Iruka opened his mouth to respond, but then realized he didn't have one. Not one that didn't make him sound really uptight. Well, when compared to Kakashi's cool looseness, he probably was. He sighed. He was, as he told Tsunade, also pretty tired. He barely made it to bed before sliding off into sleep.

* * *

Iruka woke up, freezing. Damn Kakashi kicking off the blankets again. He reached down and pulled them up over his shoulder. 

* * *

When Iruka woke up next, it was morning. He was a little disoriented to realize he was already sitting up, with a half-drunk cup of tea sitting in front of him. Kakashi must have gotten up and made the tea. How he could sleep through drinking was something he couldn't quite get his head around, especially right as he awoke. Regardless, the warm liquid was welcome. After the tea, they got up and Kakashi put the cup in the sink, which was surprisingly empty.

"Did you do the dishes?" asked Iruka, surprised. He'd remembered the sink had been pretty full the last time he'd looked in there.

Casually, Kakashi said, "Just getting them out of the way."

"Oh." Iruka frowned inwardly. As they moved through the apartment, Iruka noticed other things were different. "Did you move my pile of grading off the table?"

"Only consolidated it to the side," Kakashi answered, blithely.

"Huh."

They moved to sit on the couch, ostensibly relaxing. Iruka looked out at the rest of the apartment and noticed that things were slightly ajar all over the apartment.

Ever so casually, Iruka asked, "Kakashi - did you clear off the floor? Are you messing around with my stuff?"

"No."

"Kakashi?"

"Yeah?"

"Last time, when I was sleeping, were you awake and messing with things in my apartment?"

"Uh - "

"You sure?"

"Uh - "

Some animals can detect earthquakes way before they happen. Others, people swear, could tell if you were sick just by smelling your breath. Iruka could sense a lie hovering way before the speaker could even formulate the lie itself. "Liar!"

"Yes! I cleaned!" burst out Kakashi. "You live in a sty! I can't believe children are entrusted to the care of a slob like you!"

"What!" Iruka was taken aback.

"Gods, I can't stand how you live. You actually live in your apartment and you treat it like a dump! At least I have the excuse of not being in town most of the time, but you - you - " Kakashi took a breath. "I can't believe I have to clean."

"You don't have to! It's my place!"

"It's my body in your place!"

"I didn't ask to be put into you!" Iruka yelled back.

"Oh, is that how you are?" Kakashi asked. "So passive - like things just happen to you. You can take control of your life, you know." In a simpering voice, he said, "I'm Iruka and I give and give, and I can't do anything wrong." Back to his ordinary voice, Kakashi said, "You're so good at being critical of other people you can't take a good look at yourself and the mess you live in!"

"Oh yeah? You're so into being the great Copy Ninja Kakashi that you can't even see past your nose, even if you had three eyes!"

"You look so nice and giving, but you're really the loneliest, meanest person I know!"

"How are you any different?" snapped back Iruka.

They subsided, both sulking. There was nowhere to go. They both knew that. 

"If I were in my body - " Iruka muttered.

"If you were in your body, we wouldn't be in this mess. Anyway, I heard there was a time when you wanted this body."

Iruka stilled. "When did you hear that?"

"I'm really good at faking sleep. Important ninja skill."

Iruka felt his whole face flush in reaction. "Just because I thought - _for a second_ \- that you were attractive - it doesn't make this situation any better."

"But you still did!"

"For a second! When I was a genin! And you were checking out my Manly Assets just a couple of weeks ago!"

Iruka noticed that the body was breathing heavily and sweating, certainly not something someone outside the body would notice, but he definitely noticed. Was it just him? Could it also be Kakashi? He couldn't separate their two reactions. Was Kakashi thinking the same thing?

_Shit._

"That damn Gai," muttered Kakashi. "I was just noticing your competence."

Iruka mentally shied away from the topic. "Look - can we not talk about this?"

"Okay," Kakashi agreed, very quickly. Apparently, he didn't want to deal with this either. They paced around the apartment a bit. He began, conciliatory, "Look, we're both in this body, we have to share. We've got to find a way to work things out."

"How're we going to do that? I like people, you hate people. You -"

"Like an orderly environment. You're a total slob. You -"

"-are a nit-picky, by-the-book - "

"-seat-of-your-pants improviser who wouldn't know the way to the Konoha library if it weren't for cheesy romance novels."

"I buy my cheesy romance novels!" Kakashi retorted, stung.

"We obviously don't get along. What're we going to do?" The bodysharing thing was really getting to Iruka, too. "Do you want to set up a schedule for control of the body? You get 12 hours and I get 12 hours."

"Ah, no, it's not that bad," Kakashi said, retreating.

"No, it is that bad," Iruka said, gloomy. "If there was a way to just do this, and get back to my body, I would."

Helplessly, Kakashi said, "Yeah. I know." He settled back down on the rug. "So, back to meditation, shall we?"

"Can we do something else?"

With a surprising amount of patience, Kakashi asked, "What would you like to do instead?"

"I dunno. Read?"

Iruka could feel Kakashi feeling for _Passion's Heated Chamber_. "Not That Book again. How about some reference books on jutsu?"

"I thought you couldn't find your good book?"

"I can't. Maybe there's something useful in these others."

Kakashi heaved an annoyed sigh, but got the books and settled down. He kept heaving sighs. 

Finally, so irritated he was moved to loud speech, Iruka asked, "What? WHAT?"

"I really thought this would be different."

"Me, too," Iruka said, softening. "I mean, who thinks this kind of situation would ever happen? Right?"

"I thought this would be sexier," Kakashi admitted.

"What? Why?"

Sheepishly, Kakashi said, "Book. Jiraiya wrote about this situation between a man and a woman. It was pretty hot. All about discovering how the other half lives."

"I don't think it applies," Iruka said, flatly. "We're both men. I think we have an idea of how our half lives."

"True," Kakashi said.

"I think this is more like the worst things about dating," Iruka said. "Without any of the perks."

"What do you mean?"

"When you first start dating somebody, you hide all the bad stuff. You don't fart, you pretend you barely eat, you're always on your best behavior, you always make sure your teeth are brushed and you've always got booze in the fridge and lube in the bedroom. You wait until you're better acquainted before the awkward stuff comes out - the hideous relatives, the disgusting sweatpants and dirty laundry, how you change sheets maybe once a month, the eating out of the pot while standing over the sink kind of stuff."

Kakashi said nothing. 

Taking that as agreement, Iruka went on. "You know. Early dating stuff."

"No," Kakashi said, slowly. "I didn't know. I've never dated anyone before."

Before Iruka could help himself, he blurted, "What?"

Kakashi did not repeat himself.

"Really?" asked Iruka. Well, if he thought about it, he guessed he could see it. Jounin so early, and then ANBU. After all that, why bother getting close to anyone? Who had the time or inclination? "I guess, at least, doing it your way, you're always having sex with someone you love."

A startled laugh burst out of Kakashi. "I've had sex with other people," Kakashi said defensively. "Dating is a lot of work. And then I'd be gone a while, and things would change and it didn't seem worth it."

Awkwardly, Iruka asked, "Have you, you know, since I came into your body?"

"No."

Oh. Relief.

"You'd have known," Kakashi said. 

Iruka conceded this was most likely true. 

"I've thought about it, though."

_Oh._

"But I haven't. Besides, you've got better control over the hand I prefer to use."

"Sorry," Iruka said, unable to think of anything else to say.

"Ah. Enough talking. Let's get back to reading?" 

Iruka, if he were in his own body, would have found the exchange entirely conducive to whiplash. Unfortunately, he was in somebody else's body. He still thought he had a case of whiplash.

* * *

Iruka woke up, freezing. He sighed. How could he get around Kakashi's constant kicking off the blankets? He pulled the blankets up on the right side of the body, his side, tucking them in firmly. He still wasn't going to be as warm as he liked, but maybe he would sleep better.

* * *

"I don't want to read that book, again."

"Fine. Then you have to tell me a story," Kakashi said.

"What are you? Five?"

"We're going to be here awhile. Tell me a story."

So Iruka did. It was a light story about a funny event at the mission desk, something he might tell anyone over drinks. And then Iruka demanded one of Kakashi. "You said we might be here awhile."

Kakashi heaved a sigh, rolled his eye and began a terrible story. It involved topsy-turvy identities, twins, gambling, cheating, minor royalty, ending in cross-dressing and poisonings. 

"That's terrible," Iruka said, mouth mentally agape.

"Well," Kakashi said, shrugging.

"Is it true?" Iruka was morbidly curious.

"What do you think?"

It was true. Iruka wondered what was going on with this guy who he was forced to share a body with.

Kakashi started to laugh. "Not true! Totally false! It's the plot of _Icha Icha Double Trouble!_ "

"Oh."

* * *

Gai showed up again. He didn't enter the apartment, but delivered dramatic declarations at the open window about how Iruka and Kakashi together must be so strong, with twice the manliness of other men. Then he made another attempt, stifled just in time, to embrace Iruka. It made Kakashi growl. It made Iruka laugh, inwardly. He couldn't laugh while Kakashi was growling. 

"I thought you said there wasn't anybody to tell about our, uh, situation," Iruka said, once Gai had leaped off the windowsill. He was interested as well as a little... let down that his sympathies were for naught.

"Well, Gai doesn't count."

"Why not?"

"Because he'll be there whether you want him or not."

"That's a kind of companionship."

Abruptly, he felt an odd strain in the body. 

"If you like that sort of thing," Kakashi said.

"Are you jealous?" Iruka asked. "I was just thinking how it's nice to have company."

"All I'm saying is that before you moved in, Gai did not touch me."

"You fought with him! That's plenty of touching!"

"But that's not touching. That's _fighting_. He wanted to _touch_ you. He _likes_ you."

"It's because he thinks - " Iruka's head hurt from trying to reconcile Kakashi's manners to thinking _you talked to Gai about my Manly Assets._ He was alarmed that it didn't alarm him as it should have. He covered it up. "He's just worried about you."

Kakashi snorted. "Yeah. Worried about one of us. Why do you keep asking him to stay?"

"I kind of like the company."

"I'm plenty of company."

"Yes, yes, you are," Iruka soothed. "But I like another kind of company. Company that can leave. Why don't you want him to stay?"

Kakashi shrugged. Then he said, "You want company that can stay - here." Without another thought, Iruka felt the body move through the motions of a summons and before he could protest, he was surrounded by throng of blue-coated dogs.

"Hey, boss!" they barked. Then they backed up, some of them shaking their heads.

"So, boss," said the smallest, a pug, "What's going on? Your chakra is different."

Kakashi jerked a thumb at one half of his head. "Pakkun, meet Iruka. He's going to be here awhile."

"Iruka?" 

As one, the pack perked up their ears uncertainly.

Kakashi introduced the pack to Iruka, little Pakkun, enormous Bull, mohawked Shiba, Bisuke with the rings around his eyes, sunglasses-sporting Akino, reddish-brown and bandaged Ūhei, and sly-looking Guruko.

The ninken took a while to get over the fact that while it was Kakashi's body that was moving, Kakashi's mouth speaking, it was Iruka who was actually saying the words. At least, half of the time. But they were clearly fascinated, watching Kakashi. They were murmuring among themselves, bursting into the occasional yippy laugh.

Kakashi whipped his head around and the dogs backed up, nervously. "Enough," said Kakashi.

"Sorry, Boss. We never thought we'd see you get into an argument with yourself," Pakkun explained.

"You don't think this would affect the ninken?" asked Iruka.

"They wouldn't have come if anything affected the summons, like another fuinjutsu," Kakashi said, off-hand.

"Hey, Boss, I thought might be a while before we saw you again," said the brown one with the white wraps around its head.

"Why would you say that, Uhei?"

"Because you take so long to get enough chakra to do a summons, after you passed out the last time - " said another.

"Bisuke," warned Pakkun.

Kakashi sighed and explained the situation to the dogs. 

Guruko sniffed at Kakashi's hand. "You smell different, boss."

All the dogs paused and sniffed. They then gathered in a small circle, staring up at Kakashi. "Yup," Shiba said. "You do smell different."

"Better," Akino commented.

"Like you were just bacon before, but now, you're bacon with - "

"Peanut butter!" panted Uhei. 

"And yogurt," yipped Guruke.

"I love peanut butter and yogurt and bacon!" grinned Akino.

"Such different things, yet so great together," commented Bisuke.

Bull whined eagerly, a tiny little sound that was surprising coming from such a large body.

"Can we stay?" asked Uhei, looking anxious.

Pakkun cocked an eyebrow at Kakashi. "Boss?" he asked.

Before Kakashi could say anything, Iruka just smiled and nodded.

* * *

Nonchalantly, Kakashi pulled out _Passion's Heated Chamber_.

"Can we not read that?" Iruka asked, reflexively.

"C'mon," Kakashi chided. "You thought it was funny."

"Funny strange, not funny ha-ha."

"Either way, it'll make you feel better, right?"

Grudgingly, Iruka agreed. He resigned himself to the terrible prose. To amuse himself, he pulled out key phrases in the book and tossed them to Kakashi, who answered him as if he enjoyed having company. 

When they ran out of things to say about the book, Kakashi said, "Tell me a story."

Iruka told Kakashi a few stories of his youth. Some were funny, but the last one ended on a depressing note. Disliking this, Iruka said, "I've told you a lot of stories. Why don't you tell me one?"

Kakashi thought for a moment, narrowing his eye. And then he told Iruka a story of a kingdom of the north, trapped in ice. A princess that was lost, and how shinobi saved her life, but couldn't change the course of her life, never mind history. 

Pakkun raised his head when the story began, but didn't say anything.

"Is that true?" asked Iruka, intensely curious.

Kakashi gave a small shrug. "Maybe. Not."

Iruka didn't know what to think. He vaguely remembered news reports about the Land of Snow, and the abrupt transition of power several years ago. "Were you part of that mission?" Musing out loud, he said, "You'd have been ANBU then."

"If I was, I certainly couldn't tell you."

* * *

Personal care of Kakashi's body for Iruka was still a bit unsettling, but Iruka was learning how to deal. He thought about key phrases in _Passion's Heated Chamber_ , the better to kill any of his feelings about it. He tried to forget about Gai's slip about Kakashi's interest in him. He tried harder to forget about any youthful flash of interest on his part. He slept poorly, dreaming of pirates and Kakashi in a black and white striped corset dripping with lace.

Sharing a body didn't make Iruka nor Kakashi telepathic. But it did make them more empathic with each other. Iruka could begin to tell when Kakashi was tired - he could feel it in the body they shared, along with any other strong emotion. (He tried not to think about anything every morning, with its inevitable effects.)

It was completely dark when Iruka woke up. But it wasn't the light that had awoken Iruka. It was the feelings. He felt up to the brim with waves of a familiar and yet unfamiliar pleasure. He could only think, _Oh. Oh, gods._ He knew exactly what was happening. Only, it was in this body and so different from his usual experience.

Kakashi was pleasuring himself, and by extension, Iruka.

Iruka's memory was filled with the images of Kakashi's body - images of pale, lithe limbs and a muscular midsection - the images he had previously tried so hard to ignore for the sake of decency. The sensation of touching this body, himself, for pleasure, of remembering that body caused him to start shaking. 

Iruka shifted. 

"Don't," gasped Kakashi. "Don't move. Let me."

Iruka could feel Kakashi's excitement, one that was heightened by his own.

Being inside this body, whose responses were so different and so much the same as his own, startled Iruka with its intensity.

All the small things - the feeling of the worn bedsheets underneath him, the coolness of the night air, the sweat on his skin - was just too much. And the sensation of his hands on his nipples, his own hand on himself, gripping and rubbing, was indescribable. Then Iruka moved the hand to the base of the testicles, and held it firmly as the other hand slowly stroked his shaft.

Then Kakashi's body found greatest pleasure, greatest release. Iruka shuddered in response.

Iruka lightly placed his hand over their heart, feeling its racing slowing down. Kakashi, ever so carefully, entwined his fingers and left them there as they both slid to sleep.

* * *

Iruka slept soundly that night, not caring about the blankets in any way, shape, or form.

* * *

They had continued to talk, a surprising amount, given their virtually constant canine audience. Food was delivered. Kakashi requested his favorite foods - Kotetsu and Izumo grumbled about being nothing but glorified delivery boys, but they went ahead and got what Kakashi wanted. Kotetsu and Izumo were less than happy bringing in the bags of kibble necessary to feed all 8 dogs.

Iruka was moved to make a request himself. Books finally began being delivered, including several large volumes especially recommended by Tsunade. Those Kakashi ignored.

Finally, Iruka asked, "What do you have against the books?" A copy of his favorite fuinjutsu book had arrived.

"First of all, the old bat probably wants us to do the legwork for her."

"'So?" asked Iruka. "We're the ones with the problem."

"Besides, those aren't the good books," Kakashi said.

Iruka looked at the books again. "These are very good."

"The good books are in the forbidden section in the Hokage's library."

"Those are really specialized," Iruka said, "You need to start with the general before you get that specific. Delivery of those books means even Tsunade thinks learning from books is okay."

Kakashi snorted. "Fine."

They settled down to peruse the volumes. After a few moments, Iruka could hardly keep a grip on his consciousness, and was only aware of falling asleep because he woke up. In Kakashi's hand was _Passion's Heated Chamber_. Iruka forced himself to go back to sleep. It was better than reading that book again.

* * *

It was a terrible round they were on; hospital, Tsunade if she wasn't busy, maybe a visit from a visiting doctor or interested ninja, and then back home. It had been depressing, watching the slow crawl of black across his own body.

Iruka noted how much thinner the red rope between their bodies looked.

Tsunade asked, "You say the rope looks thinner?"

Iruka nodded.

"How are you feeling?"

"Great," Kakashi replied promptly. Then he paused. His voice came out in wonderment. "Really, really great."

"Tired," Iruka answered.

"How tired?"

"He sleeps a lot," Kakashi said baldly. "A lot more than he used to. Falls asleep in the middle of almost everything."

"Not _everything,_ " muttered Iruka.

"And I'm getting more control over our body," Kakashi continued, ignoring Iruka's protest.

Iruka fell silent, pondering Kakashi's use of "our body."

Tsunade frowned. "This might be a psychic tiredness - one tied to his physical body." Worried, she said, "We might not have much time."

* * *

It had been six days. Almost a week since they had begun this crazy bodysharing thing. The visit to Tsunade was as depressing as ever, the only difference being Ibiki's presence in the room. "You know," he said, "we might get some advice from my sensei. I'd hesitate to call on her without warning, but she might be interested in this. She was always most interested in failed fuinjutsu."

Tsunade said, "Do it."

Iruka asked, "If she's so great, why hasn't anyone contacted her before?"

Ibiki twitched. "You don't just contact sensei. She has to like you to do anything for you. Let's go. She doesn't answer summons anymore."

They walked along an increasing familiar route and wound up on the walkway outside Iruka's apartment. "Hey!" said Iruka. "Is this a joke?"

"No," said Mrs. Doi, opening the door. She was not welcoming. If anything, she gave off a strong repellent aura. "This is most certainly not a joke."

"I thought you were retired from ANBU?" Iruka asked.

Mrs Doi smiled. It was the kind of smile that could cause grown men to soil themselves. "No, not ANBU. Thirty years in the Department of Torture and Interrogation." 

Kakashi's head nodded. Iruka wasn't certain which one of them did it, but it was done with exactly the same emotion he would have used - a wary respect based on a carefully hidden knee-knocking fear. Thirty years of T&I. If all that time were in ANBU, then she'd be crazier than a bag of cats. What does thirty years of T&I experience make her? Freakin' scary, that's what.

"Hello, Ibiki-kun."

Iruka would have recoiled, had he been in his own body. _Ibiki-kun? Who gets away with calling Ibiki Morino "Ibiki-kun?"_ Kakashi raised a finger and wiggled it in his ear in disbelief.

"Hello, sensei," Ibiki said respectfully.

"I thought there would be something interesting when you sent me that note. You don't waste time with social calls."

Still standing outside Mrs. Doi's door, in the hallway outside of Iruka's apartment, a combination of oblivious to the neighbors and en point in front of his old sensei (which was something Iruka had never expected to be witness to) Ibiki explained the situation in brief.

"I am interested," Mrs. Doi said, opening the door wide and allow them entry. The apartment was laid out in a similar fashion to Iruka's, but was sparkling clean, to the point of sterility. That would have been off-putting enough, but then add in the overwhelming amount of hanamusubi, the complicated knots in all sizes and widths from thread to rope hanging on the walls, from the ceilings, and draped over the few pieces of furniture. 

At Mrs. Doi's prompting, Iruka and Kakashi pulled out the tracings. 

"Now, let's have a look at this seal." Mrs. Doi looked at the copied seal, eyebrows drawing together while she thought. "None of this is familiar, but this," she circled a small section that would have been somewhere over Iruka's shoulder. "This is like a seal I've seen before, a long, long time ago." She continued muttering to herself, "It's been changed, and it doesn't look quite right..."

"I thought so," Kakashi said. "It's from Sand, isn't it?"

She looked at him approvingly. "Yes. How Sand lost this to Mist is something that they'd probably be interested in investigating."

Iruka asked, "What else do you know about this seal?"

She frowned. "They didn't use this seal outside of testing because you needed to have physical contact with your victim. Which is terrible for their kind of puppetry jutsu - they like to maintain some distance. It's a body-switching jutsu, but it looks like it's only half completed." She gestured to a few blank spots scattered across Iruka's body, muttering about the sloppiness of fuinjutsu casters these days. "These spots are missing." 

"This is a terrible jutsu," she said somberly. "It sucks the life force of the victim to grow the seal. The longer the seal is on, the less likely the owner can return to the body."

"And then what happens?" asked Kakashi.

"It's hard to know with all the changes." Mrs. Doi looked genuinely sad. "But if I'm right, once the seal is complete, the caster gains all the strength of the victim and can cast the victim's consciousness out of his body, leaving him a ghost."

* * *

Once back in his apartment, Iruka sat down angrily. "I can't accept this!" he said. "It's ridiculous! I am going to kick and fight and resist - but I'm so fucking tired." 

"Come, on, Iruka, - " Kakashi began.

"Don't you know that crabby is the final emotional state of the exhausted?" Iruka said.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." Iruka sighed again.

"I can tell when you're upset. The shoulders get all slumpy. What's the matter?"

Iruka was about to protest when he realized that his shoulders do get all slumpy when he was upset. "I've trained and been trained to handle abrupt death, long torture, but never this waiting around. It's not torture, but it is psychologically wearing."

"Why don't you write something about it? Create a lesson plan or something," Kakashi suggested.

Iruka waited for the sarcasm, but it didn't come. Kakashi seemed to genuinely encouraging.

"Mm. Maybe I will," Iruka said. "I'll think about it. You know, a lesson plan on what to do when you're in the moments you're not scared of dying, you're sort of bored."

"Kids can learn that when they're actually in the field," Kakashi dismissed. "How about something else?"

"I really want to do this." 

Iruka could tell Kakashi wasn't enthusiastic about it, but he allowed Iruka to get the book and start writing. When Iruka woke up with a start, he looked down at the paper he had been writing on, noticing the critiques Kakashi had left on the lesson. Iruka had to admit that the comments were well-deserved.After a sharp back and forth, Kakashi actually gave solid constructive criticism.

* * *

Iruka stirred, vaguely aware that he was sleeping in his own bed. Then he settled down, feeling the blankets gently tucked about him.

* * *

"Iruka!"

Iruka was rattled out of sleep, staring out towards the open window. He immediately felt the tension across the body. "Kakashi?" he asked.

"You were crying in your sleep," Kakashi said.

Iruka said, "Bad dream." He didn't elaborate. It was virtually unheard of for ninja to get perfectly restful sleep.

Kakashi said, "You wanted your parents." 

"They died during the Kyuubi attack - I was taken to the orphanage almost right away." 

Kakashi grunted, tipping the head to look up at the stars above. 

"I still miss them," Iruka said. "I just wanted someone else to know about them. For when, you know, I go."

"Tell me."

So Iruka told Kakashi what he remembered about his mother, her big smile and her excellent cooking. His father, pony-tailed and severe except around his mother.

Kakashi said, "Let me tell you a story." And this time, it was a story about a mission gone wrong, about a friend's death and sacrifice, and about an undeserving boy receiving a priceless gift. And how the undeserving boy worked hard to become more deserving, with the help of the voice of the friend, whose voice still came to the boy, sometimes, in moments of great emotional strain.

Iruka didn't ask if it was true.

"We have to find this solution," Kakashi said. "I can't accept another gift based on the death of a friend."

* * *

Iruka slid into consciousness- "--he's sleeping more and more now," Kakashi's voice said.

"Do you think there's something to be worried about?" Tsunade's voice was clinical. "Or do you think it's just -"

"I don't think it's _just_ anything. I know he's more tired - the way he holds his side of the body - and I have more control over the body than I did before."

"How are you feeling?" Tsunade's voice became pointed.

"Good." Kakashi paused, and Iruka could feel him rotating both shoulders experimentally. "Better than the day it happened. Maybe better than I've been in a long long time. I don't know if I've ever felt better." 

"And Iruka?"

"Sometimes, I can feel him slipping away and I try to hold on - I don't know if it's working."

Iruka fuzzily focused on Tsunade's face, which looked worried. He yawned. "Hey," he said sleepily. "Did I miss anything?"

* * *

 

Iruka could feel Kakashi moving around. He had just slid into sleep while Kakashi was re-reading his favorite passage in _Passion's Heated Chamber_ when suddenly, Iruka could feel him pounding vigorously on the table. "That's it!"

"What?" Iruka mumbled.

"Iruka! Come on!"

"Stop waking me up!" Iruka would have shouted, had he the energy. As it was, he managed an incredibly mean yowl. He looked down to see _Passion's Heated Chamber_ in their hands. He'd have known those cheap, yellowing, pulpy paperback pages anywhere. He'd certainly seen them enough this past week.

"Mrs. Doi!" yelled Kakashi, pounding on the adjoining wall. "Mrs. Doi!"

"What?" Iruka demanded.

"I've got it!"

"What?" Iruka couldn't quite clear his head to understand what was going on.

"Lace! It's the lace!"

* * *

Kakashi excitedly opened one of Tsunade's fuinjutsu reference books, to a short passage about chakra transference that included a rough template image upon which it was assumed the caster would impress their own special touches.

Mrs. Doi pulled out a pencil and lightly sketched over the initial drawing of the seal. After scanning across the diagram multiple times, she sat back. "There. I think that's it. You're right. The missing sections, it's like a pattern of lace." She looked at Kakashi with some fondness. "You would have been excellent in T and I. I'm sorry that your scores were all wrong."

Iruka felt himself smile. "That's what she said to me."

"Yeah," said Kakashi, "but she intends it as a compliment to you."

Mrs. Doi laughed. "How perceptive of you. Well, what do you intend to do with this pattern now?"

"I complete the jutsu. And then do it again," Kakashi said, increasingly excited.

"What?!" asked Iruka, puzzled. "That doesn't make sense."

Kakashi summoned Pakkun, instructing the pug to tell Tsunade to meet them at the hospital.

"Thanks, Mrs. Doi," Iruka called as they dashed out. "I think we've got to be going."

* * *

They passed the door of Iruka's apartment when Iruka halted. "Kakashi?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you a minute?"

Kakashi paused, feeling the slump of his shoulders. "What's going on?"

"Can we wait? Just a little bit?"

"Why? You tired?"

"I'm okay. I - uh- I just want to write a letter." Before every mission, it was customary for ninja to leave behind letters for their loved ones in the chance that they don't return.

"Yeah. Absolutely." Kakashi turned toward the apartment.

Aware that time was slipping away, Iruka tried to reassure Kakashi. "It'll be quick."

They sat at Iruka's desk. "Take all the time you need."

Iruka pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and paused. He was simply too exhausted to think about the actual contents of the letter. 

"What's the matter?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm tired - my head hurts - " The pen slipped out of Iruka's grip.

Kakashi picked up the pen. "What do you want in your letter?"

Slowly, painfully, Iruka considered what of his mostly second-hand, well-loved items had any value, value enough to give to his important people. "Everything to Naruto, and... whatever he doesn't want, the orphanage can have."

After Kakashi sealed the letter, Iruka asked, "Do you have one?"

Kakashi paused so long, Iruka was afraid that he had been gravely offended. Kakashi said, slowly, "I should write one."

He pulled out a piece of paper and even though Iruka really wanted to keep the sanctity of the letter, he just wasn't in a position to do so. "Gai - " the letter began. Inwardly wincing at the breech of privacy, Iruka watched as Kakashi left most of his belongings to Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto. Then he wrote, "Watch over my team and my pack. Take care of Iruka if anything happens to me. I know you want to anyway."

Kakashi put his letter in an envelope and then rummaged around the apartment while throwing things into a bag. As he placed the bag next to both envelopes, Iruka said, "Kakashi?"

"Yo."

"I was just thinking that I'm really sorry about this - taking over your body."

"Iruka - it's been a lot of things. You don't have to dwell."

"If this doesn't work - "

Kakashi snorted the snort of someone who is very rarely wrong in his calculated risks. "Of course it will work."

Iruka sighed, then pressed onward. "If this doesn't work - I'm going to miss your big ego. I want to thank you for letting me share your body. I'm very grateful. It could have been much worse."

Softly, Kakashi said, "Iruka, I won't lie and say it's been a pleasure."

Iruka inhaled, painfully. He should have been expecting it, but hearing it was something else.

"But there's been something nice about having someone around. I used to think that Obito would talk to me, and sometimes I still do. But you're with me and you really do talk all the time - sure, sometimes it's like you don't shut up when you really should, but -" Kakashi seemed to struggle to with himself "- it's been nice to have the company. I think I will miss you." 

"Thanks," Iruka said. He reached out to pat the letter on his desk nervously. Then he grabbed it and shoved it into a pocket. He reached out and Kakashi put his own letter into Iruka's hand. They would give them to Tsunade once they got to the hospital. Kakashi picked up his bag and paused.

Resolutely, Iruka said, "Let's go."

* * *

Iruka looked at his body in the hospital. It just made him sad. It seemed so forlorn, covered with a white sheet, several tubes running into its arms. It was a good body. It was still serviceable. Even after being inside Kakashi's superpowered body, he still preferred his own.

Tsunade asked, "Are you ready?"

"This can wait a little longer," Kakashi said.

"No," Iruka said, his voice small. He watched a new black vine of symbols start to creep over his closed eyelids. He opened the Sharingan, flinching at the anticipated pain. The dark red line binding Kakashi's body to his own was thinner now, a true thread. There wasn't hardly any time left. "Because you can't continue to live like this, and it's not right for me to stay."

"I'm going to write this up and it will go into one of the scrolls in the Hokage's library of forbidden jutsu - one of fuinjutsu." said Kakashi. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"I would," Iruka said. If this solution of Kakashi's didn't work, he could die. Or worse. He could be a ghost, cast out by Kakashi himself. His consciousness would be eternally lost, his body wasting away in the hospital, and Kakashi possessor of his life force and energy.

"I'm ready," he said, trying not to sound as frightened as he felt.

Kakashi opened his bag and pulled out some ink and a brush. Then he began to fill in the patterns on Iruka's body. Once done, Kakashi raised the hands - his hands - their hands - and began to run through a series of hand seals. Then he grabbed Iruka's hands from their place on the bed.

When Iruka was very small, he had been taken to a festival by his parents. He remembered being transfixed by a funny little show run by a funny little man. It was a bunch of small mirrors glued onto a circular screen, with small spaces in between. The mirrors faced each other, with a candle in the center. On the insides of the screen were a series of pictures of a bird first starting at a stand still, perched on branch, then leaping to the air, then flapping its wings, and then settling back on a branch. The funny little man spun the mirror circle, and between the slats of the mirrors, the bird took flight and then landed, over and over and over. Iruka had stared at it as it spun and spun and spun, trying to find the beginning, trying to determine the end.

This was exactly like that. First, he could feel the emptiness when Kakashi's body was released to his sole care, and he saw the expression on his own face as Kakashi entered Iruka's body. They looked at each other a moment. Iruka could see Kakashi's surprise at being inside another body, the rush of sensations from a different physical receptacle. He almost wanted to laugh - Kakashi's expression must have been exactly like what his own was a week earlier, in a situation no one else would understand.

Kakashi raised his hands and performed the seal again. Iruka held his breath.

Then he felt the comfort and relief of being back in his own body, and the familiarity of Kakashi's presence, and the sense of crowding.

Their hands rose together. And then there was the emptiness of being alone in his own body. And he stared into Kakashi's face, knowing that was where Kakashi was now.

And they looked at each other. Looking as if this was the first time they had actually seen each other.

* * *

Epilogue:

Iruka was by himself now. This self - this body he was born in, the body he grew up in and lived in almost his whole life - it was so familiar and yet strange. He had spent the first day back in his own body just walking around, remembering the little quirks that he had forgotten about while in Kakashi's body. He startled himself passing by a mirror - so used to Kakashi's face and form was he.

After the first day, he returned to work, under some supervision. Tsunade was cautious, in case the jutsu reversed itself. He handed back _Passion's Heated Chamber_ , trying to look stern as he did so. The memory of Kakashi's giggling returned to him and he was perhaps not as successful as he could have been with the lecture he gave that student.

He was struck with the odd realization that they had consulted a book and gotten an answer - it wasn't the book he had been expecting, but still. Maybe he and Kakashi had both been wrong about some things and right about others. He opened his mouth to say something, but realized Kakashi wasn't there to listen. 

Life was back to normal. He did what he wanted, without having to ask for permission to move or to read. His life wasn't in any danger - at least, it was back to the usual danger for a teacher of shinobi and not the you've been struck with a dangerous potentially-life threatening jutsu that you could see draining your life. That was good. The other day, while cleaning, he finally found his favorite fuinjutsu book, hidden under some other stuff. That wasn't bad, either.

But he was lonely. It was hard to admit that. Especially after being annoyed by Kakashi every waking hour for over a week. If what they had could be classified as a forced relationship, why did the breakup feel so bad?

* * *

There was a knock on the door. Iruka opened it.

Kakashi stood there, looking uncomfortable.

"Hello?" Iruka said. He was suddenly very happy. And very nervous.

"Hi," Kakashi said, shortly.

Mrs. Doi stuck her head out of her apartment. "It's you."

Kakashi reached to scrub the back of his head. "Hi, Mrs. Doi."

"Well, what're you waiting for?" she asked, turning to Iruka. "Ask him in already."

Iruka struggled not to laugh or to die from embarrassment. "Do you - want to come in?"

Mrs. Doi pointed at Kakashi. "And you! Hurry up already. Waiting all this time to come by. You better start shaping up if you're still considering yourself potential boyfriend material."

"Thanks, Mrs. Doi," said Kakashi. 

"If you two legally become one, I want an invitation to the wedding."

Softly, Kakashi said to Iruka, "Let's do this inside before she says anything else."

Silently agreeing, Iruka stepped aside to let Kakashi in.

"How'd she know it was me?"

Iruka said flatly, "She's a ninja. Let me get you something to drink."

"I thought you found her attention flattering."

"No. I said she was sweet, but only if she's actively threatening somebody else for me." Iruka crossed his arms across his body. "So, what's up?"

Kakashi looked off to one side before he returned to Iruka's gaze. "The ninken - they've missed you."

Iruka smiled. "I've missed them, too."

Kakashi shook his head, growling with frustration. "I'm doing this all wrong." He grasped Iruka's shoulders and said, "I've missed you."

Iruka stared. Then he started when Kakashi released him and turned, ready to leave. He might have stared too long. He reached forward and grabbed Kakashi's arm. "I've missed you, too." 

He looked at Kakashi, taking in the person, the body that he knew so well and yet was such a mystery. "Stay," Iruka said. "Please. I think we might have some things to share."

**Author's Note:**

> Set before the first Naruto movie.
> 
> Was thinking of "All of Me" with Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin. Many thanks to the group at gsd_rtfn for the last burst of inspiration to help me finish this long-dormant story. Also, props to the many writers in the KakaIru fandom from whom I've taken inspiration, especially Samsarapine and JBMcDragon (for the painful Sharingan), and Megyal (for some of the emotional impact of "The Bijozakura Seal").
> 
> Vaguely tried to note left hemisphere functions (numerical computation; exact calculation, direct fact retrieval, language: grammar/vocabulary, literal) as Iruka's, and right hemisphere functions (numerical computation: approximate calculation, language, intonation/accentation, prosoda, pragmatic, contextual) as Kakashi's. (wikipedia)
> 
> hanamusubi - the art of knotting, originated in China, and I took it as those sort of complicated knots, instead of the more braid-oriented development in Japan. (more wikipedia)


End file.
